


Sirius gets disowned

by pckdrg



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-18 21:33:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19343080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pckdrg/pseuds/pckdrg
Summary: Sirius gets disowned and confesses his feelings to Remus.





	Sirius gets disowned

Sirius threw himself on his bed on his back while he put his arms over his eyes. He was silent for a couple of minutes.

James sat on his own bed with his legs crossed. He was waiting for Sirius to say something. He would eventually tell him what was wrong, but it needed to come from him.

Finally, Sirius spoke up. ‘My mother disowned me.’

James stopped drawing - he was always doodling everywhere when he was bored or distracted. He looked up at Sirius with wide eyes.

‘Are you.. for sure?’ He asked tentatively.

‘Hmhm. Got the letter yesterday. She told me I’m disowned and not a part of the Black family anymore.’ His voice was quiet - unlike Sirius normally talked.

James carefully walked over to Sirius and sat down next to him. He put his hand on his leg to comfort him.

‘You got us, mate. You don’t need them.’

Sirius revealed his eyes. They were red.

‘Then why do I feel so bad? Why did I cry all afternoon? I should be glad.’ His voice broke.

‘Because you’re disappointed that they don’t love you and you maybe secretly hoped they would never disown you because you’re their son.’

Sirius bit his lip. ‘It’s just.. People are always impressed by my surname and it’s kind of everything I have. My parents get things done because of their name, they are rich because of their name, they are pureblood because of their name. I have to thank my whole wealthy life to my name.’

He inhaled deeply, apparently really scared to say the words.

‘If I’m not a Black anymore, who am I? Just a annoying, loud kid with no parents and no house to live in? I mean, I know you like me, but who else will like me for who I am? Who will love me for who I am?’ He started crying.

James squeezed his leg. ‘Remus would’, he replied softly.

Sirius didn’t dare look at James. Sure, he had been expecting James to be a little suspicious about why his best friend suddenly was staring at Remus Lupin for longer periods of time. Or why he was taking care of him far more than James or Peter after a full moon. But he hadn’t expected James to be so non-oblivious as he normally was. He cut right through the chase this time. So Sirius decided he couldn’t pretend to act like he didn’t know what he was talking about.

‘Do you think he would?’ Sirius replied even more quietly.

‘Of course he does, Padfoot’, James said with a bit of exasperation in his voice. ‘He loves you. Always have, always will. You know that.’ He patted Sirius’ leg affectionately.

‘But once he finds out I’m practically a nobody now - no parents, no family name, no house - is he still going to love me?’

‘He says the same about himself every time. You know after a full moon, when he gets really sad, he always tells us that no one will ever be able to love him because of what he is?’

‘I would.’

James lay down next to Sirius and put his arm around him. ‘You love him as he is, not for who he is. The same could be said for him.’

Sirius remained silent. He was surprised by how much James actually knew already. Then again, James was his brother. Of course he would be the first person to notice that Sirius only stared and took care of one person.

‘Maybe this is a good moment to tell him’, James continued.

Sirius’ insides squirmed at the idea. ‘What if it ruins our friendship?’

‘You know it won’t.’

He sighed. ‘You’re right.’

——

Sirius was walking with Remus towards the Shack a little early, so he could keep him company for the afternoon. It was always his small quality time with Remus and only now he realised James was the one that had suggested it. He probably already knew by then about Sirius’ feelings. It made Sirius’ cheeks flush a little. Was it so obvious?

They had brought food and made the couch comfortable with cushions, they had played some games and talked a lot. Now they lay pleasantly on the dark blue couch, arms spread out.

Remus spoke up suddenly. ‘You are sad.’

Sirius swallowed. Remus always knew exactly what was going on. He had this effect on every person. He could see right through you and stated what was going through your mind, but he never judged.

‘I am.’

Remus turned so he was facing Sirius, his head laying down on his arm which he was stretching out on the couch. ‘Do you want to tell me?’

Always so gentle. Always so kind. Never pushing, never making you feel guilty for not telling him. Always so patient. Sirius was overwhelmed with feelings. How did he not realise earlier how much he adored Remus Lupin was beyond him.

‘My mother send me a letter’, he told him. He was looking at his nails, because he found it hard to look into Remus’ piercing green eyes.

Remus nodded for him to go on.

‘She said she disowned me. I’m no longer part of the Black family. She also burned my face of the tapestry wall. Oh, and I can’t talk to Regulus anymore, obviously.’

Remus was obviously contemplating for a moment what to say, and Sirius knew all of them were the worst insults about Sirius’ mother. Remus was almost never angry, except when it came to Walburga Black.

Instead, Sirius found himself being hugged fiercely. He sighed out and melted into the touch. He put his head in Remus neck and breathed in the smell that only Moony had. Remus was making circles on Sirius’ back, exactly at the places where he knew that Sirius had scars from his mother’s curses. It made Sirius’ throat close up and he started crying silently.

‘I’m so sorry, Padfoot. I’m so so sorry’, Remus said softly. Sirius only replied with a whimper.

Remus put both his arms around him, and laid back a little so Sirius was lying on his side in his arms. Remus leaned down so his head was leaning against Sirius’ forehead. Sirius was too sad too notice how intimate this was.

‘You know.. I told James yesterday, because he saw something was wrong too. And I was telling him how I’m scared that no one will ever love me now because people are always impressed by my name and everything that comes with it-‘ He started rambling. ‘And now I’m just no one with no parents, no house and no money and I’m scared no one will be able to love such a person.’

‘I would’, Remus replied almost instantly.  
Sirius looked up at him. ‘I wouldn’t choose me.’

Remus smiled and it made Sirius’ feel warmer inside, even though it was really cold in the Shack.

‘But I would’, he simply said.

Sirius looked at him and bit his lip.

‘Really?’ He said doubtfully.

‘I know how you feel. I feel exactly the same way as you. Why would love a werewolf?’ He waved his hand around the Shack.

 _Say it. Say you would_ , Sirius thought desperately. _Now’s your chance. James said it would be fine_.

‘I would’, Sirius repeated the words.

They often told each other they loved the other, jokingly but friendly nevertheless. But now it was different. The atmosphere was changed, and they both knew it without needing to state it out loud.

‘I wouldn’t choose me’, Remus replied, his voice a bit constrained.

Sirius pulled himself up so he was face to face with Remus, and he pushed a bit of hair behind Remus’ ear. He didn’t say anything, but looked into his eyes. He felt so vulnerable, far more vulnerable than laying on his floor while his mother screamed at him. Remus opened him like a book and read him like a book. It scared him, but also never wanted anything else in his life.

With that thought in mind, he leaned forward and kissed him gently.

He could feel Remus’ body tensing up beneath him in surprise, but moments later he relaxed and melted into him. He kissed him back.


End file.
